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November 8, 2009

Words filled my heart. What are you doing now? Are you happy with your boyfriend now? Do you need any help?


I don't know why, but I just kept thinking of you. You will never know what I did yesterday. What I have done. Some people might think that I'm acting. But I don't care. Why? Because this pain is too overwhelming. I am killing myself by hiding it in my heart. I really miss you. Do someone have an idea why I am so stupid.

I looked at my hand, and thoughts of us holding hands in the past will appear. I cannot stop thinking. No matter how hard I tried. Do anyone have a idea how much pain I have gone through. Have you ever wonder that I am like a crybaby now. Have you wonder of killing me before I really lost control. Have you ever wonder that I might lost control 1 day.

I wept through the silent nights, with thoughts of you accompanying me. The thoughts never disappear. It just went on and on. Kill me before I cannot control myself.

I even kneeled down just to find a remedy to cure this pain. You should know me, I was so 好胜 and all those. And I was always filled with pride about myself, and I really did kneeled down in front of my friends to find a remedy to cure this pain. I really wish that I could kill myself on that day.

I do not want to lose control. I do not want to become a beast. But the pain is now really forcing me into it. The pain is killing me.

Hais, I always thought that I can really do many things. But can I really. 1 little thing such as loving you has already tortured me so much. Do I still have the guts to do that. I am weak and a sucker. And will die sooner or later, maybe dying in dreams ? Hais. I think no one will miss me when I depart this world. Because I am just a nothing.

Ps- I promised a friend that I will not do the thing that he detest for 1 week. And I will do it. For this week, I will just suffer from the thoughts that will be affecting me for long..... I love you.

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let it go
11/08/2009 02:33:00 AM