</head>

November 30, 2009

What are friends? Shouldn't friends be honest with each other? When he is feeling down, I went for him. But, when I was feeling down, I cannot reach him. When he feels good, he wouldn't even think of me as friend. I'm right, I'm just a tool. If he couldn't be honest with me, why must he even lied to me in the first place. Is this the friend I had once wished to be with before? If he is, I can only say this" yongquan you are blind" ....

Labels:



let it go
11/30/2009 01:53:00 AM



November 29, 2009

Lame things for me.


The worst feeling is giving all the love you have and knowing it will never be returned.



The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.



Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts a lifetime.



In my dreams, you're mine forever.


Just your friend, in this torrid love affair. That's what you called it. The word "affair" scares me. I love you, but I will never be able to call you mine. You're just my friend. And just we're stuck in this torrid love affair.


How am I supposed to forget you?
it's not that you're the only one i truly liked.
but you're the only one who hurt me more
than i could ever imagine.


You tell me to move on;
well i'll need a lot more than just
a goodbye. more like a hug and
a helping hand.


How can I apply remedy to these unseen wounds,
It's only this invisible pain that I feel, and yet I feel nothing...


Sometimes, don't you wish your life were a movie?
That way you could rewind your favorite parts.
You could fast foward the part where you cry.
&'nd the end is always happy.



I would give up everything for one moment with you; for one moment is better than a lifetime of not knowing you.


It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.


Real loss only occurs when you lose something you love more than yourself.


The times we were happy together are worth the times I cry alone.

Labels:



let it go
11/29/2009 03:59:00 PM



Have a good achievement today, finally cleaned up my table. And everything is very dusty. Now blogging after a while nia.


Feeling so bored now, feeling like playing basketball now, then now still haven't find job also. Must find a job soon no matter what. Lols. Anyone free to play basketball at 7pm onwards? FInd me .

Labels:



let it go
11/29/2009 03:46:00 PM



November 27, 2009

罗志祥 - 我不会唱歌


这首为你点播的歌
如果我先哭了
怎么唱到最后

是的 感情不是K歌
音阶一字不漏
不见得感动

我也懂 拿麦的手不能颤抖
曾握着 就能感受你比我难过
谁写的 歌词那么适合放手
我怎能舍不得

我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么 明明搞笑的

我努力唱好朋友
我忘了是谁哭了
就算你不记得
这首歌唱完的是我

这首为你点播的歌
如果我先哭了
怎么唱到最后

是的 感情不是K歌
音阶一字不漏
不见得感动

我也懂 拿麦的手不能颤抖
曾握着 就能感受你比我难过
谁写的 歌词那么适合放手
我怎能舍不得

我努力唱完主歌
我忘了走音没有
我到底哭什么
哭什么 明明搞笑的

我努力唱好朋友
我忘了是谁哭了
就算你不记得
这首歌唱完的是我


王力宏 - 你不在


当世界只剩下这床头灯
你那边是早晨已经出门
我侧身感到你在转身
无数陌生人 正在等下一个绿灯
一再错身彼此脆弱的时分
不过渴望一个吻的余温
我关了灯 黑暗把我并吞
wo
你不在 当我最需要爱
你却不在 wo
无尽等待像独白的难捱 wo
你不在 高兴还是悲哀
你都不在
我受了伤害再偷偷好起来
你不在

时间再按下许多次快门
沉默里听见转动的秒针
一个人吃饭这个凌晨
孤单一人份 你低声说你有别人
我的话筒只有自己的体温
怎样认真也不一定成真
你说得对 我不得不承认
wo
你不在 当我最需要爱
你却不在
无尽等待像独白的难捱 wo
你不在 高兴还是悲哀
你都不在 wo
受了伤害再偷偷好起来
你不在
wo 那些摇摆 我都明白
都明白
但你不在 爱已不在 不在
你不在 当我最需要爱
你却不在 wo
一个人分饰两角的恋爱 wo
你不在 高兴还是悲哀
你都不在 wo
像空气般不存在的存在
再没有痕迹的爱 你不在
当我需要你的爱 你不在

Labels:



let it go
11/27/2009 11:25:00 PM



Just bathed after match at Paya lebar. The 3 on 3 competition. We won the first place not up to basketball match skills but to shooting skills. So, I'm happy, but not too proud of it. It started to rain that time, and we had to sit at the canteen. They decided to change the match to free throw match. Who scored most get to win. My group got only 3 people. Other group got 4 to 5. And using 1 ball, we won the free throw. And got in the first place. This may be the last time I going to win a cup for Punggol Secondary School. But, I'm not too proud of it, I want to fight with our own basketball skills. But bobian ler.



Okay, although I am tired now, I will not sleep first. I want to ton longer than sleep. LOLS. Am I mad? LOLS.


Okay, A stupid question for myself " Love, Friendship, Family, Money. Why does this four major problems in decreasing order, kept circulating around my life, making me feeing so miserable?"


Stupid question isn't it?

Labels:



let it go
11/27/2009 09:48:00 PM



I am back since the last time I blog 3 days ago. Just gonna talk about these 3 days.

24/11/09
Slept a long time, and woke up at 6. Play basketball with friends. After that, went home at 1+ . Never slept on that day. cannot sleep.

25/11/09
Went for school to take school bus to North Light school at paya lebar. Reached at 8+ . But match start at 2. During that time is C boy match. So went to toa payoh interchange to makan. Went back at 12+ . Played basketball with friend from 12 to 2+ . Started B boys match. It's a 3 on 3 game. Played 5 rounds and end at 6+. Won all. Was happy of course.


Went to Pasir ris park for class Barbeque. Ate, and played around. Then drank alcohol at park. Return at 2 +(I think) . Reach sengkang and went to punggol plaza to find other guys. Tonned until 5 in the morning. Went back home and slept at 5.30. LOLs siao hor, never sleep for 2 and 1 quarter day...


26/11/09
Woke up on 6pm. Went to do usual things for coffee before departing for yu fei birthday party. Ate a lot. Then, drank volka after that. Drank a lot. Kept asking people to dare me to finish 1 cup in 1 whole gulp. They said I was drunk. But I don't know whether is it drunk la. But, I still can remember the events. Ya, confirm got a little bit drunk. But, don't know is it fully drunk. But what I knew was that I was thinking of somebody all along. And, I guess you all listen until sian le. So not gonna say.

Went home at 5+am. Bathed and watch VCD to 7am. Went to bed. But cannot sleep. Like very tired but cannot sleep. Lied until 8+ am. Decided to wake. So now gonna blog. Wah, then yesterday till now also never sleep le. What the fuck. Somemore I feel a little headache and I am going for the 3 on 3 competition later on. So tired. Must win today. Today is the final round for all teams. Must win cup. Today, they will be dividing all teams into loser pool and winner pool. Think my team sure in winner pool ler. Because we previously win all matches ler. Everyone wish me goodluck by sms before 1.30pm? LOLS. I must win... I cannot afford to lose again. I am a failure in so many things. I must not be 1 failure in basketball.

Okay, shall stop here. Sayonara.

Oh ya, Thanks for all guys that helped me just now .

Labels:



let it go
11/27/2009 09:25:00 AM



November 24, 2009

Darin Zanyar
Everything But The Girl lyrics

When I saw you I knew you were the one
I want to orbit you like you're the sun
But let me know before I come undone
Am I the one for you

I'm like a puzzle with a missing piece
I got a car but didn't get the keys
And only you can set my mind at ease
So what am I to do

I have everything but the girl I want, it's sad but true
And everything but the love I need to make it through
And everytime I look into your eyes, that's when I realize
Just how much I love you

Some say lady luck is on my side
And that my life has been an easy ride
But they don't know
how many times I cried
Cause I'm nothing without you

I have everything but the girl I want, it's sad but true
And everything but the love I need to make it through
And everytime I look into your eyes, that's when I realize
Just how much I love you

I don't know how long I can keep it up
I need a sign to make it through
You gotta tell me now, you gotta let me know
So what am I, what am I to do...ohh baby

I have everything but the girl I want, it's sad but true
And everything but the love I need to make it through
And everytime I look into your eyes, that's when I realize
Just how much I love you

Labels:



let it go
11/24/2009 05:21:00 AM



Yo! Just have a few dota matches with brother. LOLS. now coming here to blog.

Actually today also not much to say bah, lols. Morning, went for basketball training. Just as tedious as before. LOLS. Went back home after that, Watch television and sleep. Woke, cooked for coffee, and again ate maggie mee for dinner.


Yesterday, have a talk with one of my friends and realise that not only me was in this kind of problem. It was a pleasure to talk to him, and share, better than keeping it in heart. Because you will never know how hard it is for us to hide it.


Yup, I know many people will call me to forget her. And I told you I will try. If you guys got any better way to help me forget her, just speak out, because you will never know how tough it is for us to get out of the painful situation. And if you guys may find me troublesome when I go out with your guys, just tell me and I will not follow any of you guys out again. This is the sentence I told many people. I may treat people as best friend/ best best friend/ even brother, they might treat me nothing. Just like what I felt for her ...

Labels:



let it go
11/24/2009 12:36:00 AM



November 23, 2009

何维健 - 我舍不得

沉默的天 盖住我的双眼
在悄悄的一瞬间 感受到完整失恋
天空降落 带走了精彩
每分每秒等待 能避免这个无奈

你走了 世界变小了
脑海也停留在 空虚中
还留着 手机留言里的
听着那句 goodbye

我舍不得 你这样的走
想到转时间重演你和我
你也曾经 用真心去爱
但把整个宇宙的完美带走 我舍不得

玫瑰一朵 孤独的日落
夕阳的光在照 自己更难微笑
所有美好 随着你在跑
想念你的味道 沉重在我心跳

你走了 世界变小了
脑海也停留在 空虚中
还留着 手机留言里的
听着那句 goodbye


我舍不得 你这样的走
想到转时间重演你和我
你也曾经 掏了心去爱
但把整个宇宙的完美带走 我舍不得

we need to have one more try
我的心 我的泪 能不能够让你再感动
童话故事的我们 浪漫电影的我们
我舍不得 好舍不得

我舍不得 你这样的走
想倒转时间重演你和我
你也曾经 用真心去爱
但把整个宇宙的完美带走 我舍不得


舍不得 - 弦子

第一次你陪我坐着
我的手心是空空的
我知道那些简讯声你努力藏着
还怕我难过

不追问到底为什么
是我最后的温柔
想笑着附和说分开是好的
但我们却怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是时间回不去了
爱你很值得 只是该停了
没有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱紧你了
我们错过的 错了就错了
不用担心我 我不爱你了

不追问到底为什么
是我最后的温柔
想笑着附和说分开是好的
但我们却怎么 一起哭了

我舍不得
可是时间回不去了
爱你很值得 只是该停了
没有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱紧你了
我们错过的 错了就错了
不用担心我 我不爱你了

至少你记忆里的我 是微笑的
亲爱的 有你牵着我的那些日子
真的好快乐


我舍不得
可是时间回不去了
爱你很值得 只是该停了
没有我你要好好的

我舍不得
最后一次抱紧你了
我们错过的 错了就错了
不用担心我 我走了

Labels:



let it go
11/23/2009 02:35:00 AM



Not much thing done by me today. Have supposedly breakfast on 2+pm. after that, Went to sleep on 3+pm. Woke up on 6+pm. Ate dinner and went to meet yee zheng ay 8.30pm for a jog. JOg to rivervale condo. Called harry down. Went to toilet, a while more harry and his sister went to their aunty home. Oh ya, Yee zheng do not have a top rank position in studies face. MUHAHAHA.


Jog to Buangkok. Talked with michelle and yee zheng. After a while, jogged back home. And reached home at 12am. Bathed and blogging now.


PS- Although I have not heard from you like years, I still think that you should be doing quite well. You should be. Because he is a good boyfriend. Heng that we did not get together, because I am not a good guy. I did everything that I know was wrong. If we get together, I guarantee, you will not be as happy as now. I know it's time to let go. But my mund is still as relunctant as ever and hard to let go. I knew that after prom night, I will miss you. And I am right. No matter how long, It will still be hard to forget you. Afterall as I had said, you are the first girl ever that make me fall in love so much. hahas.Is it a good new or bad news? I don't know. Hope you do well okay? Got any problem must tell me? Must remember still got one gold hair bendan waiting for you.

Labels:



let it go
11/23/2009 02:14:00 AM



November 22, 2009

第二个自己歌词 杨丞琳
这是我们走在一起的第三个夏天
聊起我来还那么肤浅
总爱对人炫耀我的微笑有多么甜
却不曾看到我另一面
我喜欢冬天喜欢音乐喜欢冒险
别总以为你爱的就是全世界
我只好偷偷藏起第二个自己
没关系对你毕竟没有意义
我愿为你去学习忘记自己
继续努力活得鲜明安定
是否会再理解不再爱我的那一天
我已经换了陌生的一面
原来可以因为爱上一个人而改变
还要求自己不改那一面
我其实任性其实爱哭其实腼腆
是你以为你了解我的全世界
我只好偷偷藏起第二个自己
没关系对你毕竟没有意义
我愿为你去学习忘记自己
继续努力就活得鲜明安定
我只好偷偷藏起第二个自己
没关系对你毕竟没有意义
我愿为你去学习忘记自己
继续努力就活得鲜明安定

Labels:



let it go
11/22/2009 05:32:00 AM



Gotto train up muscle and also learn to fight from my brother and on my own. I want to learn how to protect me and my friends.

Labels:



let it go
11/22/2009 03:07:00 AM



It has been so many days. And now I am still thinking about it. I did it today. I did not sms her. I tried to leave my phone as faraway as I could from me. Maybe this is the only way for me to stop trying to sms her bah.


Actually wanted to go for a cycling session to make me feel better. Called darryl and chenghan. After that Chenjun also joined in. After a while, went to fetch dean and we cycle to meet clarance.


Went to Jalan Kayu to have Roti Prata. Was so full. Just back and bathed to use the computer. Actually wanted to go out tomorrow for gyming->swimming->basketball session. But mum not enough money ler. I should be stop wasting money bah. I want to work and I could use my own money.


I want to ask if anyone wanted to join us for gyming->swimming->basketball sessions? I wanted to go, but don't know when bah.


May not be going for the Wednesday barbecue session bah. Have teen games, and I am not sure what time will it end. Hope it will end early bah.

Labels:



let it go
11/22/2009 02:24:00 AM



November 21, 2009

周杰倫 - 安靜

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡著的大提琴 安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵著你陪著我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就著你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学著放弃你 是因为我太爱你

只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡著的大提琴 安静的旧旧的

我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道 你没有舍不得

你说你也会难过我不相信
牵著你陪著我 也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就著你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学著放弃你 是因为我太爱你

你要我说多难堪 我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份 包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多 我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开 我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就著你
我真的没有天份 安静的没这么快
我会学著放弃你 是因为我太爱你


let it go
11/21/2009 04:01:00 AM



People said that chances are not given but earned by ourself. Should I really believe?

I have no chance

Labels:



let it go
11/21/2009 03:31:00 AM



Have normal sms with you today. May not have the chance to talk/see you again. I wanted to hold the conversation for long enough. And another taiji come again. Why? Why everytime when I wanted some peaceful time with a girl I like there will be a problem. I hate the god that decide my destiny. I hate them. Just last chance. Just 1 last. Fuck!

Tomorrow you are going for your job. I was worry at the beginning not because I thought you are just 16-years old, But because I know that the world is dangerous. But, I stop worry when I knew that your sister are going with you. And he will be there too I guess. He will protect you no matter what bah.


I think I must stop smsing you ler ba. But, It will be difficult. Hais.


He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me. He will be better than me.


I will be thinking this from today. I think I should not be worrying about you from the last moment now. I will miss you.


And this is for myself: STOP BEING SO SELFISH. LET HER GO, IF SHE IS WITH YOU, I DOUBT SHE WILL BE HAPPY!

Labels:



let it go
11/21/2009 03:17:00 AM



Msybe by secondhand serenade

Didn't you want to hear
The sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear
The expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold, hard road when you wake up
And I don't think that I
Have the strength to let you go

Maybe it's just me
Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye and your calm, hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
And I'm here to sing
About the things that mattered
About the things that made us feel alive for oh, so long
About the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

Maybe it's just me
Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye and your calm, hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

And someday
I promise I'll be gone
And someday
I might even sing this song to you
I might even sing this song to you, to you, to you
And I was crying alone tonight
And I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So just come back
I'll make it better than it ever was
I'll make it better than it ever was

Maybe it's just me
Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye and your calm, hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place

Maybe it's just me
Couldn't you believe
That everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye and your calm, hard face
Makes me wish that I was never brought into this place


let it go
11/21/2009 03:12:00 AM



Seduction by alesana

Sunlight warms my face only in dreams of you
I know you'll wait for me...it's been too long
Beautiful eyes. beautiful lies to dull the pain
Beautiful eyes, beautiful lies...you're killing me

I would wait for years just to feel you again
I will die without you...would you my love?
Beautiful eyes, beautiful lies pour from your mouth as
You scream his name...you're killing me

Cries escape your sweet voice as I kiss you one last time
...One last time...
Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!
Why have you turned your back on me?
One day you'll wake up and realize your mistake

Ice runs through my veins as I stand face to face with
The one who stole it all
Compassion is not an option

Cries escape your sweet voice as I kiss you one last time
...One last time...
Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!
Why have you turned your back on me?
One day you'll wake up
Realize your mistake!

In love we're one, inseparable, pathetic lust, thus we crumble
I saw your eyes, I wiped your tears, I waited for you...

Who do you see with your eyes shut tight?
Regret will be your bride
Goodbye...

Do you remember me and our beautiful affair?
Look in my eyes and honestly tell me our love is gone!
Why have you turned your back on me?
One day you'll wake and realize your mistake
Cries escape your sweet voice as I paint my own goodbye


let it go
11/21/2009 03:05:00 AM



November 20, 2009

Still here rotting, nothing to do. Going with teen games 3on3 on next week wednesday and friday I guess.




我曾经听过一句话“虽然记忆会消失，亲情与感情还是不会不见的。” 如果有一天我疯了，我希望我还会记得大家与其是你。

Labels:



let it go
11/20/2009 04:27:00 AM



回到过去 周杰伦

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯
时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸
寂寞下手毫无分寸

不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影

失去平衡 慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋
该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端

无法存活在真实的空间
想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气

想看你的看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去

试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧

这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡

灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁
想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里

羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜

想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意

这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去
沉默支撑跃过陌生

分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去

想回到过去
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏
失去平衡 慢慢下沉

你的身影
又回到过去



Past/Future?


let it go
11/20/2009 03:10:00 AM


















Went around facebook to grab the photos. Only grabbed mine. And I could only say that there is 1 photo that I will wish to see everyday.


虽然借酒消愁很辛苦，但是在那一瞬间却是我们能够不要难过得时候。虽然我不希望看到朋友们做这么傻的事，我偶尔也会想要借酒消愁把时间的存在都忘了一干二净。因为只有在那一时候，我才可以真真正正的忘记你。


I want a time machine. Rewrite back to 32 hours and 21 minutes. When I was still sitting at a same table with you.


From now onwards, I am me. And I do what I want.

Labels:



let it go
11/20/2009 02:40:00 AM



November 19, 2009

Prom night have come and passed. Really hope that it will go through slower. But, it still too fast. I really don't wish it to end so fast. If that thing have not happen, I will have more time.


But nevermind, what has passed has passed. I think it's time to really let go and rest. Let go of everything. Be back to the old yongquan. But I will miss you. Because you are really the first girl that I have fall so much in love.


Saw what your stead has done for you for your birthday. Now, I understand, I could never get better than any of your stead. Because the reason is I don't know how to create surprise all those. And, because I am me. Really hope that time would stay at that moment forever. I know I'm being selfish. But....


After prom, accompanied you with the groups around. After a while sat on your father car to dobby ghaut. Really appreciated it. Pity I never get the chance to say goodbye in front of you.


Went to coffee shop, ate laksa. Drank beer. 1 of them became drunk and vomit all around. It really heart pain for me when I see him like this. Although we often talk, he was still my friend.


Then, take cab to macrina hotel. Tried to stop those drunkard in the hotel, and I received a few more bite marks and bruise on my hand. Really upset to see everything using beer to numb themselves. Hais.


After that, camped that, tried to stop the drunkard for the whole night. They never stop until 7am.


After that, I don't why ki siao and joke with dean for very long. lols. Laugh until siao.


Went out of hotel and take a cab home at 10+. Reached cj house. camp a while and now back at home.


Ps- Although I say that I will try to forget you, I do not know whether I could really do that. I will still waiting for you until I really forget you. Thanks for giving me such a memorable night. Really like it. But Prom night is too short. I wish that It could be longer. Because this may be the last time I gonna see you in this year. I really cannot bear. But, For your sake, I will still try to forget you. Bye, I will miss you and you will be the best girl that I have love so much. Today, I need to hold back every bits of my tears and fight back and become the old yongquan. But, in my heart, it will only be you, you and you. I am so jealous of him. How I wish I can be like him, getting your love. Hmmm, I think I shall not disturb you any further. Goodbye.

If this is a letter, I think it will be sealed with tears. Because I still can't bear to leave you. You are right. good thing don't last long. But in the world, there are very few people that will appreciate this good things. Especially 4 hours with a girl that I had liked most in my life. Anyway, you are very beautiful on that day, unlike me. Was shocked when I saw you.

If 1 day, you need me, you will know how to find me. Because, I will be waiting and loving you always.

Labels:



let it go
11/19/2009 12:02:00 PM



November 15, 2009

Had a dream about you again. In it, I was a gangster(real life I'm not). I was fighting another gang for you. Before fighting, I remembered, we had a hug and you told me to be careful as you don't want me to be injure. Then my friend called out to me, as the other gang has arrived. they took parang and we took chairs. We won, and police arrived. everyone separated. I managed to escape.


And after that I went back to find you. Hugged and I cried as I do not want to leave you. Then the door was kicked open and I was pull away by the police.


What a stupid dream. Although I was caught in the dream, I somehow felt happy when I wake up as I know that everything I have done is for you. And at least in the dream, I managed to hug you.


Anyway, I am no gangster.


PS- I don't know what is happening between you and him. I just wish that you will be happy. If you are upset, and needs a talk, just sms me. I'm always here.

Labels:



let it go
11/15/2009 06:05:00 PM



How is everyone living their lives now? should be fine ba?


Should be dyeing the whole head gold on monday. I know what you guys wanted to say. So clinche. Is it?? lols . After that Going other place . Walk. Rather than staying at home nothing to do. I need money now . Must go work after prom le. If not my life will be meaningless and moneyless.


Don't know what to say ler . 有些事放在心里也比较好吧。虽然会很不舒服。嗨

Labels:



let it go
11/15/2009 03:16:00 AM



November 12, 2009

Exam over. Going to dye hair soon. Then not enough money to do other things ler.. zzz


忘不掉的伤---姜玉阳

滑落在你眼前的流星是我的泪滴
是你要的爱过的证据
选择我以后你是否觉得委屈
是我对你不够好还是原本就是游戏

其实你再爱不爱我都不再最要紧
从今以后不再为谁伤心
酒醉已清醒你已远去
看着爱情的浪漫在流着的水中倒影
以后那么多的悲伤那么多的凄凉
只有我一个人抵挡
再也没有方向也没有幻想
我思守到地老天荒
但愿忘记那忧伤忘记这迷惘
忘记曾许下的愿望
可是谁又了解事过境迁
我忘不掉曾爱的你
永恒的伤

其实你再爱不爱我都不再最要紧
从今以后不再为谁伤心
酒醉已清醒你已远去
看着爱情的浪漫在流着的水中倒影
以后那么多的悲伤那么多的凄凉
只有我一个人抵挡
再也没有方向也没有幻想
我思守到地老天荒
但愿忘记那忧伤忘记这迷惘
忘记曾许下的愿望
可是谁又了解事过境迁
我忘不掉曾爱的你
永恒的伤


Nice song isn't it ?
hear it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGHDGH6qdvE if you want.


let it go
11/12/2009 05:13:00 PM



November 10, 2009

Today I had chinese O level. Was easy for paper 1. But I doubt I will score very well for paper 2. It been 3 days since I do the thing my friend hated. 4 days more to go till the promise is over. This week is only just for testing me.


It been 2 days since my last post. I remember at evening 7 something, you started to text me again. You asked me about prom things. Actually I did not want to reply you. Pardon me. I just don't want to go into the shit again. But, I still decided to reply you back at last. My urge and desire still got the better over me. Hais. It's not any chance. It's just an imaginary image.


After that I told you many things, about my troubles. Thanks for replying me trying to cheer me up. I knew that your smses can brighten up my day, but I just do not want to fall into the shit again. the next day morning, you sms me again to continue cheering me up. You may thought you have succeed, but it was halfway when I told you that I do not want to mention about the biggest factor that make me so upset.


Before I even said about the biggest trouble, you are still very willing in counselling me. You thought that I might have depression. I don't know. You called me to go for a shrink, but I won't. Because I knew it would be useless. After I told you that I do not want to mention about the biggest factor that makes me today, you do not want to reply anymore. You sure know what it is. Don't you. And the real remedy that could stop my pain is just the main female character in the biggest trouble. The girl that I could willingly wait forever. But, I don't know if I could continue waiting. My tired body is crushing. I have no much energy to prevent it. I wish you could be by my side.


Birthday wish are only for children. Know why I said that. Because I wished for you. But It never happened. I wish for your love, your accompany, your hand. I wish for you. But it never happened. The god is also prejudicing against me, they knew I love you. But they do not grant me your love. Not only didn't they grant me your love, they tortured me with every thoughts of you. They knew that it was impossible for you to love me again. But they still wanted this storyline that inflicts so much pain in me. Why am I the only one suffering pain in this story. Am I just a chess to make the storyline continue? Am I?


From young, after many movies and movies, I often wished for myself to be vampire. I thought that it was cool. But after the heartwreaking pain that I suffered in this world, I felt that I rather die then be a vampire now. Dying will reduce the pain then leaving in this world centuries and centuries still remembering the only you.


Yesterday, I again have a dream about you. In the dream we are again so cheerful than even. It was just like the scene when I first met you in secondary three. Everyday I brought laughter into secondary 3b. My happiness is like non-stop and I can seriously say that the first sight of you made me fall in love with you.


But because of some reason, I do not want to ask you, So I decided to forget. But after so long, I did not forget but love you more. When the reason I do not want to ask you was gone, I decided to try out my luck. But till now, I was already rejected 4-5 times. Imagine the pain when I have to ask you to jia you with your stead from last year to now. Why the gods are so cruel to me, from a so happy guy, I must be torture into this state. Hais.


Today, we have some text again. Just stop I shall said. Well I doubt we will be smsing later on. Shit, I think I had dropped into the shit hole again. Or is it that I have never left the hole before.


I am a ugly freak, I am really a ugly freak. A ugly toad yearning for the swam. Hais ... I really love you lots lots. I wish to let go too. But I can't. I can't. My friends can keep encouraging me to give up. But I have tried many times and I knew by heart that It was impossible. I wish for your love. Is there actually god. Why am I in this state now. hais. I really wish I could love you properly.


My friends kept encouragine me to give up you. But now, I cannot differenciate true friends and false friends. My eye is like covered by a blanket of unknown things. I cannot see clearly. I reached out to the friend that I thought I can depend most. But it disappear as soon as I touched him. And I finally realised everything is just an imaginations.


Call me if you need help.


PS- The whoever that is spamming on her blog. Please stop. Whoever you are. Please stop. I don't know why you are doing this. I just hope that if you happened to pass by my blog, saw this message, and stop whatever you are doing now. By hurting her, you are hurting me double the times. Stop! Please!

Labels: ,



let it go
11/10/2009 02:53:00 PM



November 8, 2009

Words filled my heart. What are you doing now? Are you happy with your boyfriend now? Do you need any help?


I don't know why, but I just kept thinking of you. You will never know what I did yesterday. What I have done. Some people might think that I'm acting. But I don't care. Why? Because this pain is too overwhelming. I am killing myself by hiding it in my heart. I really miss you. Do someone have an idea why I am so stupid.

I looked at my hand, and thoughts of us holding hands in the past will appear. I cannot stop thinking. No matter how hard I tried. Do anyone have a idea how much pain I have gone through. Have you ever wonder that I am like a crybaby now. Have you wonder of killing me before I really lost control. Have you ever wonder that I might lost control 1 day.

I wept through the silent nights, with thoughts of you accompanying me. The thoughts never disappear. It just went on and on. Kill me before I cannot control myself.

I even kneeled down just to find a remedy to cure this pain. You should know me, I was so 好胜 and all those. And I was always filled with pride about myself, and I really did kneeled down in front of my friends to find a remedy to cure this pain. I really wish that I could kill myself on that day.

I do not want to lose control. I do not want to become a beast. But the pain is now really forcing me into it. The pain is killing me.

Hais, I always thought that I can really do many things. But can I really. 1 little thing such as loving you has already tortured me so much. Do I still have the guts to do that. I am weak and a sucker. And will die sooner or later, maybe dying in dreams ? Hais. I think no one will miss me when I depart this world. Because I am just a nothing.

Ps- I promised a friend that I will not do the thing that he detest for 1 week. And I will do it. For this week, I will just suffer from the thoughts that will be affecting me for long..... I love you.

Labels:



let it go
11/08/2009 02:33:00 AM



爱得好辛苦 黑龙
我曾经以为爱上你不会错
你如今变得让我没有把握
曾经的承诺 对与错
回过头又算是什么
这失去的爱如何能复活
你过的生活似乎很快乐
我虽然难过 爱让我懦弱
付出的太多无法解脱
这心痛你能明白吗
我应该如何才不会是这结果
我爱你爱得好辛苦 爱的好孤独 爱的没有退路
我好无助 我不去痛苦 忍不住的哭
这是你给我的礼物
我爱你爱的好辛苦 爱的好糊涂
爱的不能醒目
你好残酷 我看着来路 你并不在乎
也许吧 我无所谓 一个人去漫步
你过的生活 似乎很快乐
我虽然难过 爱让我懦弱
付出的太多无法解脱
这心痛你能明白吗
我应该如何才不会是这结果
我爱你爱得好辛苦 爱的好孤独 爱的没有退路
我好无助 我不去痛苦 忍不住的哭
这是你给我的礼物
我爱你爱的好辛苦 爱的好糊涂
爱的不能醒目
你好残酷 我看着来路 却并不在乎
也许吧 我无所谓
我爱你爱得好辛苦 爱的好孤独 爱的没有退路
我好无助 我不去痛苦 忍不住的哭
这是你给我的礼物
我爱你爱的好辛苦 爱的好糊涂
爱的不能醒目
你好残酷 我看着来路 却并不在乎
也许吧 我无所谓 一个人去漫步




我难过 5566
那一年默默无言只能选择离开
无邪的笑容已经不再精彩
你害怕结局所以拼命伤害
说是我挡住你的美好未来
你坚决不希望我等待
我便默默的让你走开
如今你受了伤回来
叫我如何接受这安排
我难过的是放弃你放弃爱
放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲哀
我以为是成全
你却说你更不愉快
我难过的是忘了你忘了爱
尽全力忘记我们真心相爱
也忘了告诉你失去的不能重来

那一年默默无言只能选择离开
无邪的笑容已经不再精彩
你害怕结局所以拼命伤害
说是我挡住你的美好未来
你坚决不希望我等待
我便默默的让你走开
如今你受了伤回来
叫我如何接受这安排
我难过的是放弃你放弃爱
放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲哀
我以为是成全
你却说你更不愉快
我难过的是忘了你忘了爱
尽全力忘记我们真心相爱
也忘了告诉你失去的不能重来

我难过的是放弃你放弃爱
放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲哀
我以为是成全
你却说你更不愉快
我难过的是忘了你忘了爱
尽全力忘记我们真心相爱
也忘了告诉你失去的不能重来

我难过的是放弃你放弃爱
放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲哀
我以为是成全
你却说你更不愉快
我难过的是忘了你忘了爱
尽全力忘记我们真心相爱
也忘了告诉你失去的不能重来


别说我的眼泪你无所谓 东来东往

一个人在这个夜里
孤单得难以入睡
真的想找个人来陪
不愿意一个人喝醉
醉了以后就会流泪
数着你给的伤悲
为什么你总让我憔悴
别说我的眼睛你无所谓
看我流泪你头也不回
哭过了泪干了心变成灰
我想要的美你还不想给
伤了的我的心怎去面对
爱给了你我不后悔
只希望你给我一次机会
让我去追让我去飞
毕竟爱过的心需要安慰
需要你安慰

一个人在这个夜里
孤单得难以入睡
真的想找个人来陪
不愿意一个人喝醉
醉了以后就会流泪
数着你给的伤悲
为什么你总让我憔悴
别说我的眼睛你无所谓
看我流泪你头也不回
哭过了泪干了心变成灰
我想要的美你还不想给
伤了的我的心怎去面对
爱给了你我不后悔
只希望你给我一次机会
让我去追让我去飞
毕竟爱过的心需要安慰
需要你安慰

看我流泪你头也不回
哭过了泪干了心变成灰
我想要的美你还不想给
伤了的我的心怎去面对
爱给了你我不后悔
只希望你给我一次机会
让我去追让我去飞
毕竟爱过的心需要安慰
需要你安慰

Labels:



let it go
11/08/2009 02:21:00 AM



November 5, 2009

There's nothing much differences this year comparing to last year. I was left alone in this earth again. With no company and friends. I hope that if anyone hated me, they will just say out. But after waiting for so long, I still left with no answer. Just like last year, When everyone has their own type of friends. They will go out and play. I have to be torture by this boredom again. I just hope that if you guys are unhappy with me, Just say a word. I don't want to be hide in the dark again. The feeling suck...


Am I stupid? I always felt that I have been given a hope over and over again. And at last, I found out that it was false hope. And I will be thinging through over and over again. I hope someone could talk to me and help me to stop this pain. But, I think, no one will ever care. No one understand me.


Am I a tool, or is it I did something wrong? I don't know. Since no one wanted to tell me, then so be it. Because I have already have this type of feelings for a long time. But what I feel unhappy is that after all I had done, after all I have tried, I was again given a false hope. Maybe It was destined. Leave as you want as I am mad. Why should you all care if I am dead or alive. Till now, I discovered that I have always stand alone. Because, I felt that no one really treated me as a friend.



Oh, they always told me I was gorgeous in a way
And that fateful day
I found who I was
So fill this hole with my prescriptions
I just keep feeding my addictions

And all the friends that I have gone through
And how much I deserve the pain
It's a shame

(Friends and alibis)





Am I stupid? I knew it that we will be nothing. I knew it that after the O level, I will never have the chance to see you again. Only a few chances. Although I still wish to see you, it is so rare. I knew it that after O level, we will never contact again. And I'm right again. I held my phone, waiting for just a sms that could brighten up my days, but it never came. And after that I realised that all this while I have been waiting in vain, all this while I was wasting my time and life away.


I looked at the clock, wishing the time could stay when I sms you, wishing that we could talk. Wishing that I could listen to your voice every second. Just your voice could have brighten my day. I do not need any sympathy. I don't know what I need. Because what I need is impossible. I miss you deeply...


Everyone is distancing away. Let us say goodbye.



Sometimes I wonder
Why I'm still waiting
Sometimes I'm shaking
that's how you make me
Sometimes I question why I'm still here
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy

Can you help me understand?

And now you wish that you meant something
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
And now you wish that you met someone
And now you wish that you meant something to somebody else
Something to somebody else
Something to somebody else


You look at me through clouded eyes
I know you see through my lies
See the sky, see the stars
All of this could be ours
Out of sight, out of mind
we've been through this a thousand times
Turn your back and then you make me feel so crazy

Can you help me understand?

(something)


Take everything away from me silent angel
Leave me nothing to remind me of this time now lost



Please try to say more carefully that you no longer need me
This back and forth is killing me
The only eyes you'll look into are those in your reflection
You are the means to my end



This conversation is over, it's over...
Your truth is a deception meant to poison me



I can't seem to believe that you ever cared for me
...This conversation is over...
Your empty words now drift away as fragile whispers
I saw the day when the fire left your eyes, your tongue fell still
Your treason is silence...


(This conversation is over)


Yup, I took all these from songs lyrics. Say me copycat if you want .

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let it go
11/05/2009 04:42:00 PM



November 4, 2009

Hi friends. The end of O level is finally approaching. And I know we can do it, we will be the best batch that punggol can ever offer. But, I will not be complacent and slack. Will study for my chinese and science mcq on saturday and sunday. I do not want to slack and cause me to get lousy marks again. Hahas . going sleep soon. I hope everyone can get the results that they desired to. Goodbye.


Ps- I hope mm can tell me who she is. I am very desparate to know now!



Another thing

I have a plan after O. But I don't know is it ok to do it. I will wait for chances to resurface. Hope it will be successful and I will not suffered all this pain in vain. The day I had been waiting for so long.


let it go
11/04/2009 03:37:00 PM