September 16, 2009
Hi. Many things happened. I failed my english prelim composition once again.
Yesterday, helped my friend to get out of trouble. In the end, I was scolded by my mother and brother. Can you leave one of your very best friend to die or hit. I can't. I can't. They are so big while my friend are so small. I can't let my friend get beaten under them. But what can I do? My brother say he cared only for me. But I cannot leave my friend to get beaten right. He my best friend. I hate myself for my incapability. If I am stronger. I will help my friends. But how am I going to be stronger. I may look stong in front of my friends. But I am so weak in the eyes of many people outside. I am just a weakling. Nothing more. Been thinking through since yesterday. My best friend has helped me so much. But my family don't allow me to help him when he was in trouble. What can I do? Hais. Its not his fault. Its all my fault. I am just a fucking weakling. I want to train to be a real fighter. But now, I am still incapable of passing english. What can I do? My family don't understand me at all. Next time, if my friend gets into trouble, I don't know how to help him anymore. I am a fucking noob. Hais. If I am strong enough.
Science pratical was thrash. If [you] noticed, I have almost the same thing as you in science practical. My graph was positive gradient and my gradient is also positive. I did not complete my chemistry pratical. And nitrate acid pour on my paper. Fuck. It more difficult to get A1 for now, with my practical so lousy.
I got 43/50 for my history. I can get 46/47/48 like this de, just because I write wrong 1 source plus I can do better for my SEQ . Hais . Hope Social studies this time will not fail me . Hope I can get A1 for my Social studies.
Heard from Mr Ong I got 67/75 for my E-math paper 1. 81/100 for my E-math paper 2. Was pleased with paper 1 result. But for paper 2, I can get 90 something mark de. I got the feel de. And mr ong say I got 1 very big careless in the paper 2. Maybe that the cause that pull me away from getting 90 something. Hais. Fucking carelessness. Screw myself. I want to prove to mr Ong that I am not lousy, I can win all of them. But where the confidence I used to have when I get first in Math in 4B last year. My confidence seems to be gone.
Heard from Mr ong I got 90 something marks for A math. I remember I had a mistake in there. Fuck it. And somemore many people get full mark. I believe I can go on par with them de. But, I am fucking pissed at my incapability in many things.
I ask myself, I ask, Why am I so incapable? Why am I so weak? I was a crybaby in the past. I was bully by many people in primary school and secondary 1. But in Secondary 1, I was also very guailan. Sec 2, everyone detested me more for my defiance.
Till secondary 3, I did many wrong things. The first thing is never really practice on English. There are still many things that I don't felt like mentioning. I believe my best friends know the wrong things I had committed so far In secondary 3.
Its been 1 year since the incident. Till now, I still reminisced the event clearly in my mind. And whenever I remember, My heart start to ache. I am stupid you see, I get jealous easily, whenever ........ Hais . I am a fucking useless piece of thrash.
所谓‘知错能改，善莫大焉。’。 但是你可知不知道，‘浪子回头金不换’。 一切的改变，已经太迟了。
Labels: 没有用的废物。
let it go
9/16/2009 02:13:00 PM
