Well today tis video is juz for u. i remember last yr went u were crying after the english paper 1 as u noe tat u flunked for the paper. then i dunno wat to do. well then vivian suggest tat i sing tis song for u. it is call 小乌龟. it is a song tat toks about love. well at tat time i was still paiseh. and dare not sing for u. Well till today i still dun dare to sing for u. so i decided to post it. plz be happy, and remember tis song if u r unhappy. and if u still have the hello kitty tat i gave to u during ur birthday, u can do anything to it as i has said last yr. u can hug it if u r happy. but it is impossible now to hug it. well u can scold it or hit it if u felt angry. or say out ur feeling to it when u r sad.but if u had disposed it alrdy, i dunnoe how to make u happy ler. well hope u will be happy.
HAI today i still did not get any of ur sms. i still do not noe ur answer. i really nid to noe tat is it possible for us to be together. is it possible for u to love mi again. is it possible? if it is impossible, i tink i sld juz stop in my routes of chasing u and then try to forget u and then go to use the time for study. it is veri veri impossible for mi to forget u. i tried it be4 from last yr NOV to JAN . i did not contact u even , but still i tinks of u whenever i am doing nth. I even lie on the floor when it is raining be4, emoing, tinking of u, wishing u to be bak to my side, but i knew it is impossible. because u would nvr 4get the "he" in ur heart. i would nvr replace him in ur heart. NO matter how hard i try, or how hard i did. i once saw a blogskin be4. it says bout taking the heart of the guy out to show it to the girl and let them noe tat how much we love them. well if i have no relatives, i will do tat. i will even do tat in the front of u, i would show u how much i love u. even at the cost of my live. but nvm, even if i still left it in my body, it is already dead. it is filled up with ur memories, my love towards u. it is dead now. if i ever take my heart out in front of u, i wanna ask u a question. Will u take it with both ur hands crying? or juz left it where it was, and feed it with a animal. which 1 was u. i was confused with ur love. sometimes u r really veri concerned bout mi.it was in sec 3. the sec time i asked u for stead, u reject at the beginning. but accept it at last. but after 2 hours, u told mi to be ur besties first as u still cannot for get him and dun wan to treat mi as substitution .and the next day , i was emoing the whole day. u ask mi wat happen, and i did not tell u. and then u became emo and cried. sometimes i tot , r u crying for mi, or r u juz crying because of other matters. i am really confused... can u tell mi..
And aso in sec 3. remember when i read ur blog, and sent a message to u saying bout " dun care bout mi , if u wanna patch with ur stead, juz patch dun nid care bout mi." . and the next morning i was emoing again and then was being irritated by mr kuma somemore. well then i became mad, keep shaking with fury and emoness. even use a ting to hit my head. well though not veri hardly, it may be still pain. then u are bak to console mi once again. u wrote a letter to mi. and told mi to be happy as u did not patch with him. even draw lots of smiling face trying to make mi smile. haiz... i really wished these days can be bak when i can feel the concern from u. Haiz, but will it be bak.
in sec 4, i had a quarrel with mr KHOO and u once again conforted mi. make mi cheer up. but tragic happen again when u shouted mi when i was playing with harry. i noe it was nt purpose. and i dun blame u. but it really breaks my heart as it make mi feel tat the days tat u concern mi will nvr be bak. i cried at tat time. then u apologised to mi and we become slowly bak to besties. well i really dun blame u, juz tat u really hurt my heart deeply. In my lifes , u r the first girl tat i loved for the longest and the first girl tat hurts my heart so deeply.
Moreover, when we are bak to be besties. i cannot feel ur love anymore. i aso cannot find ur concern to mi anymore. and whenever i am emo, and needs u, u r away. Whenever i am emo and waiting for u, u would nvr be there . Is it because u have started to hate mi. Is it because u tinks tat i sux. i waited days and nights juz for 1 of u sms. but after tat i still dun received it. In the past , u would always be the first to start up a conversation with mi after i first confessed to u. and u r aso the first to tell mi tat u love mi. these 3 words really affected my life alot. Now. Most of the time it was mi hu started the conversation. but sometimes nvr reply it and sometimes i asked u to chat on the phone as i wanna noe more bout u. but u will rejected and say tat u were busy. is it a retribution, to wat i had done to my EX. not tat i had avoided my ex, but it was like i was working and she was lonely, and i do not have any time to accompany her. it is my retribution. cause now whenever i was lonely , u would say u were busy. Haiz. U would nvr care for mi like u did in the past. i had made u angry 3 times during sec 3 and sec 4 times.
the first time i made u angry was tat i was sitting at xiu yun place and was chatting to her , and aso bullying mrs pang. u was angry with mi. because u told mi tat u dun like mi to bully teacher and get demerits and lastly had to be caned. tis shows ur care towards mi in the past. and aso u was angry with mi as u tot tat i was flirting with xiu yun... well u have misunderstood, i have treat every girl except some and aso excluding u the same... with some i treat them veri worsely. and u, i always wans to try to find ways to pleased u. i was not flirting with xiu yun at tat time, i was juz starting a normal chat. Hai and tis is the second time u show ur care and love for mi. but in the end, now i still cannot get ur heart. Haiz.
the second and third time i made u angry is when we were in sec 4. i had misunderstood u 2 times.... first time i misunderstood u liking for a boy in sec 3. and then avoiding u. and then u became angry with mi for 3 days. the 3 days for mi was like living hell. i sms u and u dun reply. i was emoing all the way on the 3rd day when darryl and xin wei came to my hse to study. after xin wei went home, i even cried in front of darryl. i really cannot tahan. i am scare. and then u forgave mi on the 3rd day. i was as happy as a lurk. i kept running about in my house. like the passage in chinese passage. translate in eng is tat man ancestor is monkey , and man has not forget bout their ancestor liking as a monkey to climb around. maybe , i have more monkey blood in my body than human blood. i went jumping and jumping.
then again recently, i misunderstood u of liking another boy. haiz ... then u started to be angry with mi again. haiz before the incident, i used to sms u. till 1 day u told mi tat ur hp bill had boomed. i was afraid. i tot u are using an excuse so as to avoid mi. haiz. Like wat darryl had said, i care for u because i love u. and tis is the way i express my care. well then after tat u started not to reply mi , and the tings u wrote on the blog, make mi tot tat u had started liking another guy. i noe i am pathetic. haiz. i was scared. i knew tat i cannot lost u. but if tings go on like tis i will aso be emo. and if i parted way with u, i will aso be emo. Tell mi wat sld i do? in the next few days, till sunday, if u dun reply mi, means tat u do not love mi . and doesnt want mi to wait for u anymore. but plz even if u dun love mi, plz juz sms mi tis last message. let mi had ur last message. Even if ur answers will not be a pleasant answer to mi, i still will wait for it. PLZ tell mi. sld i still hold on to u.
whenever i looked into my drawers, i tot of u. the veri first present u gave to mi during valentines. at tat time i was veri happy, as ashley told mi i was the onli 1 hu received tis heart from u. a red heart. and moreover red is ur favourite colour. And the nite be4 valentines , i asked u if u can go out with mi. U reply and said tat u cannot not because u dun wan as ur mother forced u to go to ur cousin chalet. and on the next day , i went to melvin party on valentines day. i was feeling soooo sianz without u on tat day. then i smsed u and actually wanted to buy some presents to giv u if we go to PASIR RIS PARK. u tot tat we are gg to pasir ris park and wanted to meet us there. but in the end, they wanted to juz stay in e hub. i was sadden as i missed the chance to c u on valentines day. although i did met u in sch. but it is not enuff. it is onli 1 hour. and on tat time, we are in social studies remedial... HAIZ...
a few days after valentines, i went to the econ to buy sweets for the class and i came by a hello kitty sweet. i noe tat u love hello kitty. and once i asked u wat sweets u like most and u told mi is "hello kitty sweets". so i decided to buy it to u. altough it is cheap, it contained all my love in it... i was so pleased when u told mi tat u like the sweet. but wat was sad is tat u are having sorethroat at tat time. haiz...
Red is the favourite colour u like, which makes mi remember of 1 incident when u have rashes on ur face during sec 3. i told u to go to the doctor, but u refused. and in the end, the rashes became red. on one side of ur face and u were joking bout it.
and once when u wanted mi to teach u are ALGEBRAIC MANIPULATION when the graduating student on tat yr was starting their self studies till bout 9. and u aso promised to teach mi eng. And in the end, u went home . and u mention tat it was because u dun wanna make it so obvious and chen jun make u shy. and i was so sad as i was left alone again. i juz wanted u to be by my side.I juz need ur love. ur love means everything to mi.
we mentioned about prom night, and about us partnering. i dunno, if i can do it. i may break my promise. i dunno how to face u. and we even discussed of u teaching mi POA after the O. the reasons for mi wanting u to teach mi, is tat i wanted u to be by my side again, patiently teaching mi, showing ur care to mi.but it will nvr happen. rite?
Well till now i still had not giv up on u. but i have decided if u do not want mi to hold on further or if u did not sms mi and tell mi your answer, before monday 1200 midnight, i will treat it as u dun love mi anymore, and dun want mi to hold on to u anymore. this is not a threat. but is tat i really nid ur answer. i am trapped in the path. dunno whether to turn left which is holding on to u or turn rite relunctantly leaving u. plz tell mi sld i hold on the you.
haiz tat a veri bad ting about mi tat i hates it. it is tat is have bad memories for tings tat i remember. but good memories to ting tat i dun wan to remember. which means tat i will remember u, if i decided to leave u,and will be veri difficult to 4get u. Of course, if i still hold on to u, and eventually u fell in love with mi. i will still remember u. i will sure cherish the love with u. It is like wat i has told Xin Wei and darryl and karwong all those friends, i really believe in forever love.if i even really or finally get to get into relationship with u, i would try to do anything. anything so we can get to marry next time, and giv birth to children as i noe tat u love children. Well , now it still sounded as a fairy tales （童话） to mi. however if i have ur answer, i will noe whether to quit tis fairy tales or to continue tis fairy tales with u. 幸福和快乐是结局。 让我们一起写我们的结局。HAIZX......
haiz today we are again avoiding each other. i noe u hate mi, and i dunnnoe how to face mi. juz how long is tis gg to go on. i am really tired of tis. i have 2 choices. 1 is to hold on and another is to quit. Haiz , and aso 2 more question i have for u.
1)do u really love mi in the past? 2)do u love mi now? can we still get on?
Haiz hope tis would pass soon, so hope tat u would reply mi by sms soon. i really hope tat i can be together with u. haiz. well i leave the choice in ur hand. i wish for ur answer.all rite .... sld have written enuff for today post. will continue on the next day post.
