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March 7, 2009






the 1 with the three words is written on my hand on oct or the ending of sept. u remember? i was so happy after tat . i nvr wash it away for 3 days . i cannot bear to. but it will faded away anytime. so i took a photo of it. it remains as my memories , and whenever i am unhappy, i will c these photo. but can it be still on my hand. can it be real. looking at it, i remember ur love during tat time, but for now. when i am not looking at the photo, i cannot feel ur love. have ur love faded away during the sept holidays? i dunno. i really nid ur answer, do u love mi?

Ok the remaining 3 photos are written by myself when i am emo during social studies lesson. sry if those photo are blur. i dunno how to take photo.it is use to remind mi. as i do not noe how u feel bout mi. is it love or not love. so i decided to use tis way to stop emoing. but it doesnt improve.

Well back to the main point. saw ur post. i noe tat u r veri veri angry with mi. well i dun blame u, but i can tell u i blame myself more because i dunnoe how to explain to u. i sux in explanation and so u would nvr understand mi. So i juz wanna ask again, DO u love mi? it is real when u wrote on my hand? well if it is real, and if u really love mi, can u show it to mi. can u show how much u love mi? cause u muz understand i was really confused, i dunno whether u love mi or not. Plz juz tell mi 1 or 2 words. Either love or dun love. plz. juz sms mi tell mi. i really nid ur answer. so tat i can noe wat sld i do. i noe u hate mi, after those misunderstoods we had. u noe after 2day lessons, 1 girl went to tell mi tat she tinks tat u like mi, haiz, making mi so confused. u noe whenever i was near u, toking to u, i really cannot feel ur love. I try to show my love towards u as much as possible. but it seems tat it is useless. Ok u said tat u hate mi saying bout ur ex, i will not say, i dun wanna increase our misunderstanding.

well from last yr nov to now, i had been thinking alot. do u love mi? wat are u doing when i am not with u? do u miss mi as much as i miss u? etc. but all my answers came to nothing. i really want to find out mani question. but i noe u dun like ppl to question much in ur business, so i decided again, not to ask u.

Well i tot tat i have a chance to prove tat i really love u during valentines day. and so i asked u out. but sadly, not any1 faults, but the date faults, y muz valentine be on the day of ur cousin chalet. and again i cannot prove it again. Actually if u really agreed to go out with mi, i really dunno where to go. i onli want to be with u, alone, maybe out at beach or watching movies. well if u dun like , we can aso walk around somewhere as long as i am with u. but the dreams are destroyed. and on the next week sat , i actually wanted to call u out again. but i am again too timid to ask u. so, i did not ask again.

i really wish juz to hold on to ur hands, making eye contact, showing tat i love u, or juz holding hands. i really juz want a simple life, i dun wanna make tings so complicated, and again the same words, as long as i am with u, i am already contented.If u love mi , plz tell mi. plz... i now it is difficult to forget ur EX, but i promised , in 1 day, u will forget him. i watched movies and saw tat most of the guys swear and promise their loved ones tat they will do anything to be together with their loved ones. well and then they aso left the girl eventually,and so, i felt tat they are juz using these words to convince the girl to stay by their sides, when they love the girls, but once they had finished their business with their girl, they will juz pat their backside and leave. Ok i am a man too. U say tat most man are jerks. well i dunnoe wat to say, cause i can onli say tat wat i have told u is really my heart words, and they are really truthful. If u dun belive, again i dunno wat to do ler.

after the social studies lesson, i remembered seeing u around the overhead bridge. there was a sec when my eye meets ur eye. but i turned away, well juz for ur information, i am not hating, blaming and aso not angry at u. However i did all those juz because i dunnoe how to face u. well , tell mi plz do u L0VE mi ? I have been trying veri hard to get ur love. do u really love mi? i really nids ur love. And so i ask all these questions all because i want to noe where sld i go.Every time when u r not around mi, i was like fucking miss u and could not do anything. Well there was piles after piles of homeworks every day. i have being neglecting and tinking of u.. i juz fucking cannot get my eyes and my minds off u. even for a moment. and so again i ask u again, can u be together with mi? let mi hold on to ur hands. play with ur fingers. I even tot of hugging u when u are unhappy, but i am afraid tat u wouldnt let.
remember the day of ur birthday in 2008? when u all are at west plaza outside the clinics because cheng han have fall off to the drain. u remember ? mi , kevin and juinn tat went to find u all . at first we walk in tot tat u all are joking with us. but once again when i saw u crying, i felt sad. then remember we running up the escalators. i saw u crying. i tried to console u. but again i failed. i still dun dare to hug u. i always saw movies when the girl is upset and the boys juz hug the girl. and i wonder if u can be the main female actor and mi as the main male actor, with mi hugging u. can it be possible? Well at tat time when you are crying, i put my hands covering ur eyes, and u push it away. i noe u feel tat i am playing, but actually i can tell u, i am trying to wipe up ur tears. And after tat u went to the toilet while i stood outside waiting for u.and then there comes another guy bringing ice lemon tea for u, u noe at tat time, i felt useless and aso helpless. i remembered u looking and mi, and i told u to drink it. i dun wan u to be upset anymore, so i told u to drink it, then after tat i juz walk bak with the groups of ppl. tinking mani tings again. i wanted u to be happy at ur birthday and these tings happens. Haiz, and somemore i dunno how to make u happy. Tell mi, Am i juz a useless person? i cant even make a girl tat i love so much to be happy. i cant. my brain is juz as useless as stone, i sld not have brought basketball to ur birthday party. i sld not have. i sld not have kept playing basketball and neglecting u when u are sad . Haiz its all my faults. not urs. it all my faults. and somemore i misunderstood u... u confirm will be hating mi veri much. And somemore on ur birthday, u asked mi to teach u how to play basketball. and on tat day, i did not teach but went to play match with other ppl. haiz its mi neglecting u again.


Well 1 more ting i noe tat u sure hate bout mi. it is my behaviour in class rite?

1st- i noe u hate mi behaving like a monkey, playing around disturbing teachers and aso when i became difiance. well i have being trying veri hard to change, well did i improve?
2nd- i noe u dun like my mass spamming of vuglarities like it is my 1st language, and i have already being changing. well tell mi again, did i improve?
3rd- u hate mi playing basketball and entering the self study period with sweats, making the class smelly. i noe u hate it, and so after the incidence, i have aso tried to stop playing basketball. and i have reduced to play onli 1 time every week. is tat fine with u? Well u told mi in the valentines letter tat not to go to play basketball every time, as it affect my studies. and so after all my competition, i have stop playing basketball everyday. Tell mi. Did i improve?

haiz, it reals , in sec 1 and 2 , no one can stop mi from playing basketbal, but now. onli u can stop mi!!!! and tat shows tat U have already replaced basketball as the most important ting in my heart.

in hist lessons, mr tan often tok bout love tingy. u remember him toking bout men not leting women meet the men parents . and this show tat men is treating their parents veri badly and so will be treating their future wife badly...

Well the reason i refused to let those girls i like to come in my hse is because i dun wanna my mum to be spread it all around. well we make an example. if a boy brings his girl friend home and the girl friend break with the boy soon after the visit. well guess wat the boy mum will say. "MY son is useless , cant even keep a girl" isit? i dunno.

Another ting, i dun belive wat mr tan says bout man treating their wife the same as their parents. i often quarrel with my mum because of small matters, but we will remain as closed as ever. tis make mi an unfilial child, well . i have 100% guarentee, no matter how much i quarrel with my parents, they are still my parents, and i will take care of them when they are old. As for my wife, i once promised tat i will nvr scold my girlfriend(if i got 1).And i will not.If u scold mi, means tat u cared for mi, and i will be happy. and not quarrelling with u. the past 2 misunderstanding from mi to u, is because i am worried. i worried tat u would not like mi. i am worried because i care, and i care because i love u. So plz understand . I noe u are still veri angry with mi.

And lastly , i want to tell u tat my handphone is 24 hours waiting for ur sms or ur incoming call. Plz even if u hate mi but still wans mi to hold on to u. Plz tell mi wat sld i change? And if u r not angry anymore and wish mi to hold on to u? Plz forgive mi and can we start afresh? ok! it is sunday now.i wish i could get ur answer soon. better by 12am of monday. i really wish i could extended the time, i really cant bear to part with u. i really cant. haiz. but some times, we have to do some tings that is difficult to be done, or to do tings tat u do not want to do. i kept imaginating tat u lying by my chest, looking at the sunset. i really cannot forget the times with u....... I juz love u!!!!!!

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let it go
3/07/2009 11:13:00 PM